Poly-Kink Relationships are intimate relationships that involve more than two people and/or in which the sexual interests/expressions of those involved fall outside of mainstream culture’s traditional expectations.
If you are curious about, identify with, or practice polyamory, consensual non-monogamy (CNM), open marriage, swinging, or BDSM / fet / kink, you are welcome here. I am sex positive, allied, and affirming of non-traditional relationships between informed and consenting adults.
When You’re In Relationship Conflict
That last argument really stung. Every time you think you’ve talked everything through in advance, something seems to slip through the cracks and come back to bite you. You can’t help but feel disrespected and unappreciated. You wish you could get past the big feelings and reach a more trusting and connected feeling in your relationship(s), but compromise feels so slippery. You are so tired of being in conflict, but you don’t want to give up on this. You’ve put too much of yourself into it.
Exploring the Unknown
Some folks come to see me because they’re curious about how to get started in the non-traditional relationship realm. If that’s you, perhaps you want to dip your toes into swinging, open marriage, or BDSM. You are looking to start this adventure with clear expectations and mitigate the risk of hurt feelings.
You might be worried about being shamed or rejected if you share a kink you want to try with your partner. Or, you might be frustrated that you want to do poly and your partner doesn’t–or vice versa. Therapy is an ideal place to learn how to build trusting communication in your relationship, so that you can share things you aren’t sure you’re partner will be into or agree with.
Common Conflicts in Non-Traditional Relationships
Non-traditional relationships struggle with many of the issues as traditional ones: non-verbal rules, assumptions that inadvertently get made, feeling ignored, feeling smothered, FOMO, feeling excluded, fearing not being good enough, infidelity, differing libidos, differing sexual interests or limits, differing comfort levels when it comes to sharing and behaving about your relationship(s), finances, kids, parenting, and so on.
All that said, if there are more than two involved, then learning to use constructive, forthright communication is even more important. Otherwise, the relationship damage caused by the lack of such communication will be more readily apparent and more intense.
Seeking A Therapist Who “Gets” You
The last thing you want is someone biased toward monogamous, straight, and vanilla–who doesn’t even know what to say to you. Even if you found someone with an open mind, if they completely lack experience in the poly-kink world, you would need to catch them up on SO much that you and your partner(s) take for granted.
You want a therapist you can trust, who has the necessary experience to understand where you’re coming from, who will listen without judgement, who will help you navigate the big and painful feelings and communicate in a constructive way, so that you can resolve the conflict in your relationship(s).
Reach Out For the Support You Need
We will work together to plan the goals you have for your relationship(s) AND for yourself within your relationship(s). I will help guide you in practicing the most effective style of communication with your partner(s), in order to build toward your common relationship goals. Join me for a FREE 20 minute consultation so that we can get started!
Please make one individual private appointment for each of you when scheduling.
